Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Das Deutsche Kinder TV Massaker - Childhood Brainwash Part 1

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We all do it. Light up a big one or pour another glass of red - 3 - 2 - 1 - Takeoff! for The Big Nostalgia Rocket to Planet Youth on Youtube. You start with one video and that will then take you to the next one and the next one and the next one.. until you suddenly watch Techno Viking - again. Time to log off and finally crawl to bed.

Here is my midnight journey, remembering little supaswag sitting on the sofa in rural Germany somewhere in the 70s, taking it all in.. TV Hell & Heaven.

Jim Knopf und Lukas der Lokomotivführer / Augsburger Puppenkiste
This is non stop top notch super psychedelic German puppet theatre action. Locomotives - Dragons - Giants - Pirates.. wowser!  This is one story of plenty. The Augsburger Puppenkiste [Augsburg's Pupper Box] adapted countless children books during the 60s, 70s and 80s and every German kid was hooked. I bought a DVD box set for our toddler and she LOVES it. 

Paulchen Panter - Wer hat an der Uhr gedreht?
Yes, it's dubbed with a demented German song. Of course! EVERYTHING in Germany was dubbed. That's why we didn't learn proper English as kids, unlike kids growing up in Sweden, Denmark, Iceland, etc. All dubbing, especially cartoons was also diabolical. Bit like Carry On for Kids. But I didn't care, I watched the unfolding anarchy and thought every second was hilarious.

Väter der Klamotte
Black & white slapstick heaven. Saucy beginning, lady's legs, pies in the face, mental stunt action, people generally behaving like they dropped a massive dose of acid.. I could watch this all day long. How did they do this nearly a hundred years ago? No CGI baby.

Ratz und Rübe / Rappelkiste
Rappelkiste [Rattlebox] was the archetypical 70s liberal urban kids show. It was always about kids' solving problems amongst themselves or with the grown-up world. Kids were always supposed to make noise and be as anarchic as they needed to be while discovering the world - which had to be questioned. This episode for example is actually exposing the injustices of capitalist relations of production, VAT and the exploitation of workers. Heavy stuff simplified. Wowsers!

The title sequence looks like kids playing in a post-apocalyptic city - which made it even more exciting for me because I lived in a small village, miles away from these cool concrete jungle kids.

[Der] Kli-Kla-Klawitter [Bus]
The title song is - once heard - never forgotten and will come back even after 40 years to haunt you. Another urban reality classic. In this episode an Italian family moves in next door and we learn something about respecting foreign customs. Or something.

Sitting care-free on a sofa in front of a flickering light, a little person out of time and space.. you know, when they always ask "What period of life were you the happiest?" - this is one of them. 

Das Deutsche Kinder TV Massaker - Childhood Brainwash

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

How I Became a Lazy Arse Blogger

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They say "you need to blog more frequently!"..and they are probably right. Who are 'they'? No idea, but it's funny, Twitter really killed my blogging. Well, that's not funny at all of course, it's a bit sad. Also: Being a bit lazy and having a baby and a toddler does not help my blogging. About a 100 people come here every day and look at stuff, then leave. Some come back, some don't. What's the point apart from me keeping up 'brand supaswag blog'? I dunno tbh. I'm not an expert or a especially interesting/funny/creative guy. I just collect stuff and take the piss out of me and everybody else if needed. My supaswag Pinterest account is doing exceptionally well these days and that's also what I really enjoy: Compile and look at pretty and interesting pictures. Who-are-you-in-social-media test result: YOU ARE A CURATOR. "do what you love and it will be a success." Go figure..

Google+ is now officially showing my mega-impressive 'views' number:

Whatever that means.

Before Pinterest I used to post my pics here on the blog - My own bastard-creations..

Or other people's pics..

Anything really..

Repairing and riding my new moped also takes some time away from the blogging business:

So, it look as if I need to have a think, focus, regroup and come back atcha with something interesting. 

Because .. we were never being boring .. because we were never being bored


Thursday, 28 November 2013


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How to spot a sociopath?

1) Sociopaths are charming. 

2) Sociopaths are more spontaneous and intense than other people.

3) Sociopaths are incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse. 

4) Sociopaths invent outrageous lies about their experiences. 

5) Sociopaths seek to dominate others and "win" at all costs. 

6) Sociopaths tend to be highly intelligent, but they use their brainpower to deceive others rather than empower them. 

7) Sociopaths are incapable of love and are entirely self-serving. 

8) Sociopaths speak poetically. 

9) Sociopaths never apologize. They are never wrong. They never feel guilt. They can never apologize. 

10) Sociopaths are delusional and literally believe that what they say becomes truth.

 "We may not have many gunboats any more, but we hardly need them, because we are already fulfilling our destiny as the soft power capital of the world – and that is thanks to a woman who knew all about soft power and the deep Freudian terror that every man has for the inner recesses of a handbag."


Monday, 29 April 2013

The Grumpy German Clown

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Yes, that's me. The Grumpy German Clown. That's how my lovely wife calls me when she wants to be nice about the fact that I am grumpy now and then. I am also very occasionally funny and I am German, so The Grumpy Clown is a fair assessment of my general vibe. You can picture me as Crusty the Clown in a Hitler uniform. But handsome. And friendly. But grumpy.

A bit like this:

Or this:

Especially on a Saturday morning when I am hungry and 10 people try to figure out where to go and have breakfast. You know what I mean. I am a big fan of quick decisions, so endless selfless patience is not really my main feature. I like to either do fuck-nothing or I get stuff done. Quickly. So I can move on to doing fuck-nothing.

English people tend to think that Germans are very
  • grumpy
  • serious
  • un-funny
  • organised
  • rich
  • dangerous
  • boring
  • blond
  • blue-eyed
  • un-ironic
  • racist
  • sausage-addicted
  • Lederhosen-wearing
  • beer-drinking
  • etc. etc. [endless list]
But every German is different, right? But I take the point that most Germans are serious, boring and dangerous. And un-ironic. Or non-ironic. That's probably actually a proper word: Non-ironic. Like Americans. Or Austrians.

Now I maybe should add some funny/ironic pictures to this post to appeal on a visual level to my readership.

Let's see..

This is one of the first pictures that come up for a Google picture search 'German Clown':

That's not a bad start I suppose. The tears of a clown and a big bum. Result! She even looks a bit like Madonna. He looks like a drug dealer ..[which is a very racist remark and is only added for ironic fun reasons]. Ha!-Ha!. Germans.. racist. You get it? LOL. *sigh* OOOOH.. I FOUND ANOTHER ONE!

Yeah, funny/sad sexy time.. on ice. 

Next up:

This is probably my favorite image, as it perfectly illustrates the image of The Grumpy German Clown. This man is definitely grumpy, German and a clown. Respect!

This one is a bit confusing:

Is this grumpy German combat clown part of the forces of state oppression, like a mascot, or has this clown secretly infiltrated the German police force to fight it from the inside with his/her seriously un-funny grumpy demeanour? We will never know. 

Here's a Grumpy Freaky German Clown in the making:

This is probably the best scary kids face make-up ever. It melts your little brain. The longer you stare at it, the more brain cells get fucked. It's like staring into the fanged mouth of innocent madness. It's the Escher version of a toddler birthday in space. You can picture Spielberg waking up in his own sweat at night, screaming, trying to erase this image from his tired perforated brain. 

There are also further shock possibilities: If you put ketchup in that toddler's mouth it will look like ET has a gashing throat wound whenever they speak. Hours of fun.

The Wikipedia page for 'German Clowns' only has two entries, one for Peter Behrens, the drummer of 80s new wave clown band Trio, and one for Lou Jacobs, a proper old-school circus clown. 

I love Peter Behrens as much as I love early Trio music. He is probably THE Grumpy German Clown [except from myself of course]. Here's Peter in 'action':