Monday, 28 March 2016

De-program >> Re-program

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I have lost my patience with almost all forms of religion. Oppressive, patronising, smug, violent religions.. just FUCK OFF. All of you. 

As long as you do your "praising God stuff" on your own or with some mates, do as you like, but as soon as you start preaching and "converting", that's it, you can go fuck yourself. 

My parents who were never openly religious [except from my dad who loved being in churches because of the calm atmosphere], had some friends who were really lovely people, they had kids that I used to play with, etc. Then the parents [mostly the dad] got sucked into the New Apostolic Church. They started to go to church 10 days a week and they also started, pressurised by their new church mates, converting other "non-believers". My parents even went with them to the church one weekend after lots of begging from them, just to not be rude. A long story short: Their long friendship broke down, they were just hanging around with their new church buddies and trying to get as many others into the church as possible. There were quotas and when you didn't bring in new people on a constant basis, you got looked down on. That couple's marriage went down the loo a long time ago and the whole family including their two brainwashed kids are not talking to each other any more. The creepy thing is that the kids still have partners [and kids] that are also part of the New Apostolic Church.. like they can't/won't say good bye to that lot. So, these people don't even build real bombs to blow up non-believers, but they were throwing mind-bombs, playing psycho-games. And that's already enough for me. 

So, if you are into organised religion and can't do that without preaching and inciting, you might want to get out of my social bubble, thanks. Like I said, my last bit of patience has gone.

Actually, I can expand this.. any form of fanatics that think that they have to tell or make others do stuff because they think it's the only way: Do fuck off. 

My grandparents were proper Nazis. They were also very nice and there is a long story for another day that explains very well why they became Nazis, but they were basically unable to leave all the brainwash behind after the war. They never killed anyone but they were stubborn and frustrated armchair ideologists. I spent a lot of time with them when I was a boy and a teenager, they loved me like no-one else.. one of their dearest sons got killed after the war in the late 50s in a terrible accident when he was in his early 20s, so my grandparents were very focused on me and were always very protective of me. So I grew up with conservative parents and Nazi grandparents. When I was a teenager, I was [without actually really thinking about it much] a fully fledged neo-Nazi. I was really into war-stuff, weapons and when asked, my career was either German border control or army. My parents were very naive about all of this. I recently asked my mum how much she actually knew about all of this, especially me and all of my stupid countryside/village mates all being juvenile delinquents, getting into fights and talking shit, and she said that she had no real idea. I do believe her, as my mum is VERY naive. But that's also how any extremism thrives: People's ignorance, fear or naivety.

Another long story short: I somehow managed to de-program and re-program myself. I met new friends, away from the village and over the course of some years, we opened our eyes and minds and started questioning everything and anyone. That was a very painful process for me, as I was finally able to see my grandparents and parents as who they were. It also started a long and painful process of arguing about politics and history and our story and history as a family. I had verbal fights with my grandparents and my dad about politics and the state of the world nearly all the way up until they died. I let it go at some point because sometimes you have to let it go when you finally realise that you can't change someone. As long as they don't hurt other people that are dear to you, you need to let them go, as it sucks too much energy and just creates more bad vibes. You have to walk away.

Anyway.. I've been brainwashed and I have seen and dealt with other brainwashed people, so I know how easy it is to end up like that and I also know how hard it is to actually de-program and re-program. We exist in believe systems, our reality is made up of billion fragments of distorted reality. There is not much over-riding truth and if there is a bit, it's hard to find and one man's truth is another man's lie. The world is a rainbow of grey, there is no black and white, red and blue, right or wrong. It's all perception and context. 

So, we need to find our own way through life and it's often confusing and crazy ways and possibilities. The only things that have really helped me during my 30 years since leaving the village are:


..and a bit of ignorance in the right places ; ]

Never take yourself too serious ever. Because you might suddenly discover that you are a bit of an idiot.

I am still a work in progress, I still get irritable with stuff that I should laugh at, I still shout and get angry at stuff that I should let go and I still get upset when I see this theoretically beautiful world descending into chaos. 

I have to be calm and content and be happy that I survived a lot of crazy shit with a functioning brain and bright eyes. The answer is always Love Life. I believe in a positive evolution of the mind. That's my church.

Hate is for losers.

ps: I originally ended this post with "Death is for losers" and then Sharmila said "Shouldn't it be 'Hate is for losers'?", so I thought about it and then changed it accordingly. We all have to die, so death is just another part of life. No death, no life. A terrible paradox ; ]

But I think my original point is: We need to be good and awesome in life and not in death or "the afterlife". I don't say that there won't be any form of afterlife [what do I know?] but the thought that we get rewarded with a glorious afterlife just because we've been cruel arseholes in life is equally crazy and sad.

pps: Additional possible forms of 'religion':
Plastic surgery
..anything that has the power to replace that empty bit inside you that should be filled with love and happiness.