The grabbing hands, grab all they can

Listening to this on an old vinyl 7inch made me realize how well it fits as the soundtrack of the recent UK MP's expenses scandal. It actually fits as the soundtrack to everything that happened in the last 1000 years ; )

The handshake
Seals the contract
From the contract
Theres no turning back
The turning point
Of a career
In korea, being insincere
The holiday
Was fun packed
The contract
Still intact

The grabbing hands
Grab all they can
All for themselves
After all

Its a competitive world
Everything counts in large amounts

The graph
On the wall
Tells the story
Of it all
Picture it now
See just how
The lies and deceit
Gained a little more power
Confidence
Taken in
By a sun tan
And a grin

The grabbing hands
Grab all they can
All for themselves
After all

Its a competitive world
Everything counts in large amounts

The grabbing hands
Grab all they can
Everything counts in large amounts

Things That Make You Happy

NAKED IRONING

SPENDING YOUR LAST MONEY ON SOMETHING USELESS

WATCHING EXCITED PEOPLE LEAVING, ARRIVING OR RETURNING AT AN AIRPORT

WALKING HOME IN THE MORNING, MEETING PEOPLE ON THEIR WAY TO WORK

COMMUNICATION

LEMUREN

MIND AT LARGE

FLOCKS OF BIRDS IN THE SKY, DANCING IN WEIRD FORMATIONS

BIG SIDEBURNS

ADVENTUROUSNESS

BIG HAIR

SNAKESKIN BOOTS

TRIDENT PLOUGHSHARERS

LYING ON SOFT GRASS WATCHING CLOUDS IN THE SKY

TO RECEIVE MAILS FROM A FRIEND WHO IS "IN THE JUNGLE"

NAUGHTY SURPRISES

HOMEMADE STUFF

SLIDES AND THEIR LUMINESCENT QUALITY

HAVING YOUR HEAD STROKED

TICKLE FIGHTS

WATER FIGHTS

BIG FAT MARKER PENS

NOT TO GIVE UP ON MEDITATION

SLEEPY SEX

THE SOUND OF RUNNING PROJECTORS

THE SWITCH FROM THE BREAKDOWN TO THE LAST CHORUS OF "SEX ON THE STREETS" by PIZZAMAN

VANILLA SCENT

BUYING A SOUND RECORD PLAYER ON THE FLEA MARKET FOR 1 POUND

COMPLEMENTARY COLOURS

HAVING SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU WHEN YOU'RE SMELLY

FORGIVENESS

SUPER 8

TRANSITORINESS

TIMELESSNESS

ROBERT CRUMB, CHARLES M. SCHULZ, CARLOS CASTANEDA, ALDOUS HUXLEY, PAUL ARDEN and WILLIAM KLEIN

SEXY POSTMEN

CYTOPLASM

CHEAP JEWELERY

"GET UP OR DIE TRYING"

PARACHUTING

NATURE PROGRAMS

LITTLE BURBS

KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT

ICE CREAM VANS

STILETTOS

EVOLUTION

REVOLUTION

SOLUTION CARBURETTORS

CAMPING

A BIG STEAK WITH PEPPER SAUCE AND FRIES

GRABBING ATTENTION

"THE TA" (Territorial Army: Cocktail half Tequila half Absinth)

C-MOVIES

HOT CHOCOLATE ON A COLD NIGHT

FINDING MONEY IN THE POCKET OF A JACKET YOU HAVEN'T WORN FOR AGES

CANDLELIGHT

FRESH CHILLIES

ARRANGING FLOWERS

BIG NOSES

BEING CAUGHT OUTSIDE IN A THUNDERSTORM WITH YOUR LOVER AND GETTING TOTALLY DRENCHED

FAST BOIL KETTLES

OPEN FIRES

STRANGERS WHO SMILE AT YOU IN THE STREET

STATIONARY SHOPS

BEING MOVED TO TEARS

CURLING

DILLY-DALLY

DAYDREAMING

CUDDLEY BLANKETS

LEAVING A PERFECT LIPSTICK MARK ON SOMEONES CHEEK

COOKING FOR FRIENDS

HAVING FRIENDS COOK FOR YOU

THE FLOATING FEELING THAT COMES JUST BEFORE YOU FALL ASLEEP

NUDE BBQs

THE SMELL OF A ROAST DINNER COOKING

FAMILY

SPLIFF AND SEX SIMULTANEOUSLY

THE HUM OF INSECTS ON A SUMMER'S DAY

SINGING ALONG TO YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS (especially if you can't sing)

EVERY SINGLE INTERVIEW WITH MARLON BRANDO or KLAUS KINSKI

DISHEVELLED HAIR

REDISCOVERING SONGS YOU HAVEN'T HEARD FOR AGES

SCRATCHING AN ITCH

HAVING SOMEONE AROUND TO SCRATCH AN ITCH ON YOUR BACK

HATS AND WIGS

SUNLIGHT REFLECTING OFF WATER

GETTING & GIVING MASSAGE

DRESSING MEN UP IN WOMEN'S CLOTHING AND MAKING THEM LOOK STUNNING

PLAYING WITH KIDS

BICYCLE KICKS

DRAGONFLIES

NATURAL STIMULANTS

BINARY CODES

A PIECE OF STRING

MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF (now and then & not necessarily connected with being drunk)

SPONTANEOUS APPLAUSE

LEARNING BY DOING

TO DIGRESS

DINOFLAGELLATES

TO DINE OUT ON A STORY FOR MONTHS

SCAVENGERS

DEMOLUTION WORK

VAPOUR TRAILS

REGICIDE

HEALTHY COMPETITION

SPARKLELIPS

FINDING A LOST FILE

GETTING OLD

SHARING SILENCE

TUNA SANDWICHES

BUMMIN' AROUND

TO CRUMBLE THE FRESH LEAVE OF A TREE BETWEEN YOUR FINGERS AND SMELL IT

TUNING UP

EXCEEDING YOUR LIMITATIONS

HOPE

LARGE STEERING WHEELS IN CARS

TRANSOCEANIC CABLES

BUBBLE BATHS

LIVING INSTEAD OF SURVIVING

LEATHERMAN TOOLS (the more gadgets the better)

HUGE HEADPHONES

LISTENING TO MUSIC WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING ELSE

EATING A NICE MEAL WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING ELSE

WINDING UP A CLOCKWORK TOY

CLIMBING UP A TREE

HAVING A REALLY COOL BICYCLE

LEARNING

READING TO KIDS

RECEIVING EXCITING PACKAGES IN THE POST

TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE FEELS THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU AS YOU DO ABOUT THEM

MANNEQUINS

REDS/PURPLES/PINKS/MAROONS/GREENS

A BLACK CITROEN DS WITH A WHITE ROOF

VENTILATORS

SHERPAS

A HILLMAN SUPER MINX

HEAVY EYELIDS AND DARK UNDER EYE CIRCLES COMBINED WITH TWINKLING EYES, KNOWN AS THE "COME TO BED" LOOK

ACCELERATION

SHOOTING STARS

VELVETEEN

THE POWER OF MARS

DURATION

FLICKER BOOKS

A PRIVATE BOOTH

SERPENTINE ROADS

POWER STEERING

CHAIRLIFTS

SHAREWARE

RADIAL ENGINES

TAX FREE STUFF

AXE THROWING COMPETITIONS

STROBOSCOPES

THE ORIGINAL MOTÖRHEAD-ACE OF SPADES POSTER THAT I FOUND IN A CHARITY SHOP

WET WINDY WINTER WALKS BY THE SEA

GRAPES, CUT IN HALF, IN GREEK YOGHURT

WALKING IN MY SHOES

PING PONG

COVER VERSIONS

TCP

NINJAS

TO HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE

ZIRCONIUM

DAISY WHEEL PRINTERS

THE THERMODYNAMIC LAWS

HEAVY MONSOON

CHEVY SUPERNOVAS

DADAISM

RESISTANCE

SOMETIMES DOING THE WASHING UP TO CLEAR YOUR HEAD

FATHER TED

FINALES

MARIACHI

PRIME NUMBERS

STRIPES

FLAMES

PHASERS

ONE WAY LINKS

STABILO BOSS

MOPEDS

VINYL

STUMBLEUPON

RADIO

VILLAGE HALLS

LOCAL RADIO SHOWS

Top 5 Songs About Education

The subject of school has been a big theme for pop songs since Chuck Berry goose-stepped his way through School Days (Ring Ring Goes The Bell) in 1957. However, it seems that the seventies heralded a certain golden age of school-related songs, despite it being something of a pop void to many music fans. What makes these songs so memorable? And what does the lack of quality edu-odes today say about education in the noughties?

5: Rock ‘n’ Roll High School – Ramones. “I don’t care about history, ‘cos that’s not where I wanna be!” Although not often regarded as a Ramones classic, this 1979 soundtrack number to the movie of the same name stands proud as a thumping sing-along at a time when the band was spending a lot of time exploring new pop directions, and finally getting some chart recognition. It’s funny how at no point during my life of education, even beyond university, I’ve never actually seen a student cruise around in a GTO.



4: When I Kissed The Teacher – ABBA. “Leaning over me, he was trying to explain the laws of geometry, and I couldn’t help it, I just had to kiss the teacher!” This cringe-worthy and decisively un-pc representation of teacher/student relations is the opener to the Swedish quartet’s fourth album, Arrival. Aside from the story video acted by the band, the most disturbing aspect of the song is the teacher’s response to Agnetha’s affections. Simply put: he likes it.



3: Baggy Trousers – Madness. “All I learnt at school, was how to bend not break the rules.” Yes, I know that this song is from 1980 but so what. How could anyone ignore this cheeky celebration of schoolyard vandalism and nostalgic pranks. Whatever happened to getting the cane? And to be fair, you’re likely to receive an ASBO for pulling someone’s hair today. Make me young.



2: Another Brick In The Wall – Pink Floyd. “We don't need no education, we don’t need no thought control.” It all seems to get a bit gloomy and serious by the time The Floyd get involved. Still, Waters’ tune and the accompanying animation and movie turned this into some kind of prog anthem for doomed youth. The innocent fondness, of which we are used to, is replaced by a strange haunting choir – and all of a sudden there’s a reason to repel education beyond the juvenile need of ‘getting kicks’.



1: School’s Out – Alice Cooper. “Well we got no class, and we got no principles, and we got no intelligence, we can't even think of a word that rhymes.” Here’s a little post-modern excerpt about Cooper’s acceptance of his lacking in ability to rhyme. But he just don’t care! There’s just something eternally visceral about that feeling of leaving school behind, and it’s a tune to boot; it’s also funny that he was 24 and four albums into his career when this song was released!



I accept that there are countless others from this era. But how many can you name from the last ten years? Not that many I reckon. And why? Well, it would seem that in this age of home teaching and a more varied school curriculum, there simply may well be less to complain about today. For the sake of pop music, that could well be a shame.

What the hell..?!

Unicobra? Zebricorn?? Unibra??? Or as someone just pointed out: A Pegasus! ..with Zebra legs. A Zebrasus.

Eat this, Bob Ross ; )

Afghani Battle Carpets

Russian Guns & Roses